I CAN MOONWALK!
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
