i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
