i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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