miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
Randomize
