i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
