Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
