Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
