She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Randomize
