Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
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