when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
