Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
