I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize