wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Randomize
