WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Randomize