Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
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