the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
