that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
