You tried to poop in the sink last night.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
