We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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