He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize