kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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