its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
