Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
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