Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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