Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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