so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
Randomize
