my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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