he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
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