I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
