Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
