I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
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