If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
