Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
worst night to have a conscience
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
This is even worse then that time I fucked a guy just because he had air conditioning.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
