Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
Randomize
