Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize