Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
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