Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
Randomize
