My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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