I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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