What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
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