It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
