You smell like a Billy Joel song
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Randomize
