Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
