I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
