oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
just tell him i said nine months
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
