did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
