You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
