Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
did you just send me my own nude
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
