I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize