Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
