i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize