a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
