You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
