I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize
