I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
