Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Randomize
