yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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