TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
