I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
She moaned the name on my fake id during sex, that or she's cheating on me with someone named Victor
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
