ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
