yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
