they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
