I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
