Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Randomize
