She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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