I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
