He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
