i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
