So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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