I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
Randomize
