He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Randomize
