had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
So apparently I’m into choking now
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
