If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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