Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
