woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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