I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
