Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize