too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
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