I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Randomize
