So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
