Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
