So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize