when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
