There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
