she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Randomize
