I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
