FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
