I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
