god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
