I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
