So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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