yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
