My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
